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Relationship Rescue 113

“Shizu-chan, you may super strong but eventually they'll overwhelm with by sheer strength in numbers. And once they do, it's all over for you.”

“Yeah. Guess you'll have to eat enough of that kimchi for the two of us.”

Shizuo patted Izaya’s head and right away Izaya slapped the hand away.

“Oh no you don't. I won't have you play martyr at my expense. This is how it's going to go down, Shizu-chan. Either we both get back to Japan safe and sound or none of us gets back. If push comes to shove we'll defect, it might buy us some time.”

“Nah. Gotta get you back home.”

Izaya was silent for a while.

“Do you expect me to enjoy anything in Tokyo if you're not there with me? It's not going to happen, Shizu-chan. We're in this together, for thick and thin, come hell or high fire my place is by your side.”

The walls collapsed suddenly, nearly scaring Izaya to death who was already seeing the entire North Korean army out to get them. Shizuo immediately stepped forward, shielding Izaya.

To their surprise, before them stood a small crowd cheering them. It included Dr. Phil, Kasuka, Tom, Shinra, Shingen, Celty, Kururi, Mairu, Erika, Walker, Kadota, Kida, Mikado, Namie and even Aoba.

“What the...?”

Izaya's confusion was complete. Dr. Phil smirked and walked over to them.

“Mkay, that was a beautiful finale. Anyone can talk about love, but 'my place is by your side' when you guys think you're in North Korea, that's prime time television right there.”

By now Izaya was realizing what was going on and he was not a happy camper.

“You tricked us!”

A tall chair was brought so that Dr. Phil could sit enthroned and leer down at Izaya.

“This isn't North Korea, we're in Narita, m'kay? We just changed the signs and put on different logos on the planes.”

“You! You, you bastard!”

Izaya might have clawed at Dr. Phil's eyes had Shizuo not stopped him.

“Dunno what's going on but it looks like we're home.”

“You're okay with that?!”

“Not big deal.”

Izaya begged to disagree and was in fact foaming at the mouth. He turned to Dr. Phil abruptly.

“And how did you understand what we were saying?”

“Mr. Tom translated.”

Izaya glared death at Tom who busied himself looking away at some indistinct point in the distance.

“I will be having a word with 'Mr. Tom' later, rest assured of that.”

Dr. Phil swept aside all this by leaning forward in his usual defiance for the force of gravity.

“Don't underestimate my audience, m'kay. They like mushy stuff for sure but tragedy makes it all the more interesting. It was a perfect television moment.”

“You lied to us!”

Dr. Phil actually winked and said,

“Just as planned.”

By now Izaya had worked himself to a pitch of frantic hysteria that became confusion and even awe as everyone began to clap at the same time, giving Izaya the very disturbing feeling he had become Shinji and this was the final episode of Evangelion.

And thus a surreal experience culminated in a paroxysm of epic proportions.


Izaya pulled down the hat and adjusted his sunglasses. He grabbed the glossy magazine and hurried out of the convenience store as soon as he could. Izaya walked very fast, his eyes glued to the concrete pavement. The Dr. Phil show, now dubbed in Japanese, was all playing in apparently endless loop in the many television screens all over the city. So much for going back to business as usual, Tokyo proved to be every bit as Dr. Phil infested as America, much to America’s absolute horror.

He only relaxed slightly once he reached a lonesome corner of a small park where Shizuo was waiting. He too was wearing a hat but did not seem to concerned as he pored over a letter. Izaya flung the letter at Shizuo.

“Look at that! We’re on the cover! And look! A whole article on ‘Is homo the new trend? Shizaya fans speak!” Shizaya! What! The!”

“Yeah. Guess we’re famous now.”

Izaya took a few deep breaths in order to calm himself.

“Why are you so nonchalant about this?”

“Dunno what that means. Anyway, Martha-san sent me a letter. Translate.”

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